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Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Oscars for Redford's 'All is Lost'

The hair dryer got tossed, but who needs one anyway when Mother Nature is standing by to help take care of business? Robert Redford in All is Lost

Yes, I know it's not his movie, but it's his movie. 
Moviegoers, there are no doubts.

Here are my predictions for nominations:

1. Best Picture (may win)

2. Best Director, J.C. Chandor

3. Best Actor, Robert Redford (may win)

4. Best Sound (a crew of 25)

5. Best Visual Effects (a crew of ?  I can't count that high)

Redford's surely got the lungs, don't he?

The script is so short, even I might have been able to learn it.

Ladies and gentlemen, this ain't no chick flick.  This is a man cave movie (thanks, Paula and Garry), but one the chicks will like, too, as long as they can live without romance, sex, clothes, and human relationships.  Who needs 'em?

Oh, and if you are prone to sea or car sickness and have a weak stomach, better stay at home.  At least, the language is fairly clean except for one loud, almost obscured, expletive. 

Anyway, my pal, Eric, said his father set out to sail the eastern coast a few years ago, but abandoned the trip after two days because of loneliness.  See this and you'll understand why.  Yeeks and sea geeks!

I kept wondering where the sharks were.  Come on, sharks, let's get this over with...fully expecting the huge open mouth and the teeth from that monster to engulf the boat which those of you old enough to remember the famous scene in Jaws cannot ever forget. 

How about that halo of fire?  Come to me, Jesus.  I need you now.

And who schooled the fish?  Have you ever seen such ballets underwater?  Amazing synchronicity.

I kind of lurched along, holding my breath from one scene to the next, amazed at all the star's seagoing knowledge, and pleading with him to please take the life jacket hanging on the side of the sailboat.

Which way is up?

That the sea prisoner had so many dry changes of clothes gave one pause.  And how do you keep all those maps dry and what was the name of that instrument?  Not to get technical or anything.  (Sextant.  The only proximity to sex you'll get in this movie, with the possible exception of women who daydream.)

Please, who came up with the awful title?  Who would want to see or know more about All is Lost?  Does it not presage doom and abandon hope for all who enter here?  (Well, I went, didn't I?)
Instead, how about The Old Man and the Sea? (Sorry, Robert, but statistically speaking, you are "old" (77) even if physically and mentally, you are not.  Sure it was Hemingway's title, but that was about a fish.  This is about man's battle with the elements, the sea, Mother Nature, yourself. You can't copyright titles anyway.)

The star is weather-beaten and rough and tumbly.  Still, he is Robert Redford and that macho macho man the women just adore.  And we've never been bothered as much by age like men are bothered by age when it comes to attractive partners.  We'd go see him in just about anything.
And he's got a full head of hair which doesn't stick to his head as much as you'd think after all those days at sea, and his body looks all right, supplying a surprising storehouse of energy to combat the elements and keep the boat in line, if for a while.

Hang on and get ready for a rocky ride.  Life jackets, advised.  But save the popcorn for later, unless you want to choke.

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