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Sunday, April 27, 2014

Young troupe rescues 'Two Gentlemen of Verona'

Emily Young is the maid, Lucetta, and Jessie Austrian is her mistress, Julia, in William Shakespeare's Two Gentlemen in Verona, now on stage at the Folger Theatre through May 25, 2014/Photo by Theresa Wood

In the first act, they needed help. 

It's the script which is not quite as lively as throwing torn love letters up in the air with feverish frequency like the action in Folger Theatre's latest William Shakespeare production, Two Gentlemen of Verona, but it's all in good fun.

Zachary Fine is Valentine walking through one of the many letter showers in William Shakespeare's Two Gentlemen in Verona, now on stage at the Folger Theatre through May 25, 2014/Photo by Theresa Wood

The performers who bring what is generally considered the playwright's weakest (and perhaps his first) play to life with delight are the six-members of New York's Fiasco Theater, mostly graduates of the Brown University/Trinity Rep theatre arts program (with an outlier from the University of Tennessee) who launched their own company when they could not find jobs.  And what a happy ensemble it is.

Sweet are the uses of adversity,
Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous,
Wears yet a precious jewel in his head


And that was before.

In multiple articles the New York Times has praised the mastery of the New York City teachers and actors who make their debut in Washington with the smallest cast of any Shakespeare play .

Two Gentlemen is deemed a comedy and in two scenes, the actors had to take a few seconds to regain composure. Andy Grotelueschen stifled laughter when he briefly appeared as a maid in appropriate garb and matching cap which contrasted nicely with his thick red beard and made the audience howl. 

He's a maid? Andy Grotelueschen has multiple roles in William Shakespeare's Two Gentlemen in Verona, now on stage at the Folger Theatre through May 25, 2014/Photo by Theresa Wood

Grotelueschen is one of three who have multiple roles. Emily Young is Sylvia (pursued by the "two gentlemen") and Lucetta, who is maid for Julia (Jessie Austrian, also the co-director), who is the (temporary) love of one of the two gentlemen, Proteus (Noah Brody) who becomes the subject of ridicule by his best friend, Valentine (Zachary Fine) who mocks Proteus for being blinded by love of Julia and neglect of his own worldly pursuits.  Say what?

Says Proteus:

I leave myself, my friends and all, for love.
Thou, Julia, thou hast metamorphosed me,
Made me neglect my studies, lose my time,
War with good counsel, set the world at nought;
Made wit with musing weak, heart sick with thought.

(Does any of this sound familiar? If not, forsooth and alas, you have never experienced love.)

Haunted by Valentine's words, Proteus follows Valentine to Milan where Proteus becomes enchanted with thoughts of capturing his best pal's gal, Sylvia. But her father, the Duke (Paul L. Coffey), has other ideas and wants Sylvia to link with the wealthy but undesirable Thurio (Grotelueschen).  Suspicious of a relationship between his daughter and Valentine, the Duke keeps Sylvia locked in a tower to thwart ambitions not his own.

Valentine tells Proteus he intends to climb a ladder to free Sylvia from the tower, but Proteus betrays Valentine and squeals the plan to the Duke who banishes that unwanted suitor.

So much for love and friendship.  Which comes first?

Best friends forever are Valentine (Zachary Fine), left, and Proteus (Noah Brody) in William Shakespeare's Two Gentlemen in Verona, now on stage at the Folger Theatre through May 25, 2014/Photo by Theresa Wood

Meanwhile, Julia dresses up like a boy (it is Shakespeare) to spy on Proteus in Milan and find out what's going on.

She dreams of him that has forgot her love;
You dote on her that cares not for your love.
'Tis pity love should be so contrary;
And thinking of it makes me cry 'alas
!'

If this sounds confusing, it is Shakespeare.  (It is always advantageous for us non-Shakespeare scholars to read ahead to gain some knowledge of who does what, to whom, where and when. And is there money involved?) 

The ending is happy, and all is well that ends well.

It is not a long play, lasting just about two hours with intermission.

The set is slim to almost non-existent (increasingly favored by the critics, it seems), and the characters never disappear but exit the wooden semi-circular stage to a slightly lower level where they sit in strategically placed chairs at 9, 10, 12 and 3 o'clock positions and watch the action or play the guitar, banjo, cello and other instruments, adding welcomed period ambiance to the play.  And they pull props for the next scene from large baskets which straddle their seats.  (James Kronzer is scenic designer.)

There are no costume changes other than additions or removals.  Designer Whitney Locher dresses the men mostly in F. Scott Fitzgerald beiges and whites with vests and spats (indeed, Mr. Fine does suggest Mr. Fitzgerald with his sleek hair), and Ms. Young wears a simple, cream-colored dress with appliques (Kate Middleton would love) which works well when covered by an apron and a maid's cap on her head when Lucetta is speaking, and shed when she becomes Sylvia.  

Ms. Young's transition from one character to another mirror the effective changes the other actors make.  (Coffey is also Speed, Valentine's servant, and Grotelueschen, Lance or Launce (both are used) who works for Proteus.)  That the quality of acting is excellent is expected and realized.

It is hard to grasp that a "weak" Shakespeare exists, but for all the playwright's aficionados in the land, this is one they'll mostly love, like the Fiasco members whose exuberance is palpable and easily transfers to the audience (after the first act).

O, how this spring of love resembleth
The uncertain glory of an April day,
Which now shows all the beauty of the sun,
And by and by a cloud takes all away!


Ben Steinfeld co-directs, and Tim Cryan is lighting director.

After they complete Two Gentlemen, Fiasco performs Cymbeline at the Folger from May 28 through June 1.

WhatTwo Gentlemen of Verona

When: Now through May 25, 2014

Where: Folger Theatre, 201 East Capitol Street, S. E. Washington, D.C. 20003

Tickets: $40 - $72 with discounts for groups, students, seniors, military, and educators

Metro station: Capitol South or Union Station

For more information: 202.544.7077 or 202.544.4600

Other Two Gentlemen events at the Folger are:

Pre-Show Talk
Wednesday, May 7, 6:30 p.m.
A scholarly discussion of the play with Folger Director Michael Witmore and a light fare reception. Click
here for more information and to purchase tickets ($15).

Post-Show Talk with Cast
Thursday, May 8
Following the 7:30 p.m. performance


Folger Friday
Friday, May 9, 6 p.m.
Poets Michael Gushue and Regie Cabico respond to the play with original works.  Free


James Shapiro, Shakespeare author and scholar
Monday, May 12, 7:30 p.m.
Shapiro will discuss his newest book, Shakespeare in America, with a reception to follow ($15).

Open-Captioned
Sunday, May 18, 2 p.m.
The box office has details (202.544.7077).

Special Preview Screening

Monday, May 19, at 7 p.m.
Still Dreaming, the story of a remarkable version of A Midsummer Night’s Dream staged by Fiasco directors Brody and Steinfeld and a lively group of elderly entertainers from New Jersey’s Lillian Booth Actors Home. Reserve here ($20).

Exhibition in the Great Hall
Now through June 15
Shakespeare's The Thing, an exhibition in celebration of his 450th birthday which demonstrate his influence on the visual arts, performance and scholarship.

For more area productions and reviews, check out DC Metro Theater Arts.

patricialesli@gmail.com
 

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

A fete to remember: the 30th Annual Helen Hayes Awards


At the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie

There was a big party goin' on. 

Attendees may well have talked while presentations were made, but it was such a good (make that great) party,  and we could hear the winners' names and their brief acceptance talks, so why halt a good time to hear people talk from a microphone?  Besides, they were so far away.


The bars overfloweth with more than water at the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie


It was a coat of snake skin and tiger with a matching yellow bow tie at the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie
At the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum, where were the men?/Photo by Patricia Leslie

Well, maybe next year, at the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie

It's our party and we'll talk if we want to,
Talk if we want to,
You would talk, too,
If it happened to you.

Sweet nothin's at the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie

Big screens everywhere at the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie

At the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum, where were the men?/Photo by Patricia Leslie
Stationed at the food tables. At the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie


A blurry bar at the Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie

It was the night of Washington's Oscars, the annual Helen Hayes Awards (judges are listed here) hosted for the first time at the National Building Musuem all decked out in finery with a big, loud band, efficient registration to accommodate thousands with almost no waiting,  an apt, energetic, and ample wait staff which swooped up every dish languishing for more than 15 seconds, and short bar lines whose length grew with the night. 

He and Kramer may have the same hairdresser.  At the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie

At the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum where he's looking at a big screen, and she's getting ready to ditch the panty hose?/Photo by Patricia Leslie

"Ahoy, mate!  I've lost my date!" At the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum where the fountain ceased to flow during presentations/Photo by Patricia Leslie

The two intermissions seemed longer than 20 minutes each, but the open bars (until 10:30 p.m.) and mac and cheese (could have stood a bit more flavoring) and chicken bar-b-cue (equivalent to that found in Mumphis (sic)), heaping salmon, and excellent champagne, with popcorn (? a bit too salty) made for a tasty affair catered by Occasions.

In attendance were parents, actors, musicians, press, theatregoers, directors, managers, you name it and why not throw in a member of the U.S. Congress? 

Love between the chicken crepes and the big golden column.  Hey, isn't that U.S. Congressman James Moran (D-VA) at the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum? Photo by Patricia Leslie

Indeed it was the good Congressman James Moran taking up a new seat and relinquishing his old one on Capitol Hill at the 30th Annual Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum. Projected retirement certainly bodes well for the congressman who looked rested and happy partying with theatregoers rather than Capitol Hill naysayers/Photo by Patricia Leslie

At the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie


And you just thought Sinatra was dead.  At the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie

At the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum mobile devices were out/Photo by Patricia Leslie


"Now, darling, your turn will be next year." At the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie


He is over at the fountain looking for you at the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie

Tired feet and $5 got you comfy slippers at the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie

Stargazers at the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie
Joseph came, too, for the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum.  Overall, the costumery was sedate and much more conservative than one might have expected for the theatre community, but this is Washington, D.C. Nominees wore small flashing multi-colored stars on their lapels/Photo by Patricia Leslie

At the dessert bar at the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie
 




They looked real at the 30th Helen Hayes Awards April 21, 2014 at the National Building Museum/Photo by Patricia Leslie

In good humor the trio of Sam Ludwig, Rachel Zampelli, and Ashleigh King sang right off the stage any speaker who talked longer than 30 seconds, including Linda Levy, the president and CEO of theatreWashington, the event's host.

And the winners were... all those in attendance, and the award recipients were... right here. 

Patricialesli@gmail.com

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Olney's 'Island' is non-stop dance and song


Aisha Jackson, left, and Theresa Cunningham star in Olney Theatre Center's Once On This Island/photo by Stan Barouh

The costuming by Helen Huang In Olney Theatre Center's new production, Once On This Island, threatens to upstage it all.  

Skirts made of reflective recycled plastic and tie dye make a splash in shirts, vests, and shorts.  Long dresses with handkerchief hemlines, and colored plastic strips follow the female dancers wherever they go.

Blue cellophane becomes a god's robe, silver painted cardboard makes cool royal vestments, and bottle caps decorate head pieces.

Raindrops made of long silver icicles, twittering parrots and umbrellas from colorful plastic bag pieces, and...

OK, enough already about costuming. What's the story? 

While members of the audience find their seats before the show starts, the cast drifts in with abandon, casually alighting on stage until Jeff Dorfman's thunder suddenly stops all action with a loud clap, lights go out, flash, and then... silence.

Let the show begin.

The musical is a story about a young girl frightened by a storm who hears the story of Ti Moune, an orphan adopted by an old couple who watches over time as their new child grows into a beautiful young woman. In the eternal love story, set in a nameless Caribbean land (but adapted from Haiti and Jamaica, according to program notes), she falls for Daniel (Eymard Cabling) from across the way whose high place in society endangers their relationship. Ti Moune's ability to weather her station and accept or deny her fate unfolds. 

Once stars nine-year-old Ariel Cunningham as a young Ti Moune (alternately played by Shelby Renee Fountain) in her first theatre performance where Ariel easily captures attention whenever she is on stage, looking wonderingly at her playmates and flying around the scenes with the speed and confidence of Peter Pan. 

In one excellent transformation Ti Moune dashes off the stage, and returns immediately, several years older in the role continued by the lovely and sincere Aisha Jackson. 

To be or not to be an opera, or light opera, since the vocals are all sung and accompanied by marvelous dance (with choreography by Darren Lee), especially by Ms. Jackson in a solo piece where she becomes a twirling jazzerina in a white plastic gown under a spotlight, a scene which contrasts effectively with the darkened stage.

Aisha Jackson in Olney Theatre Center's Once On This Island/photo by Stan Barouh

Under the direction of Darius Smith, the six member orchestra plays Stephen Flaherty's Caribbean island music practically non-stop. Lots of samba, an electric keyboard, and percussion dominate. That the singers' harmonies in duets and trios make the best music of the night is no surprise.

An unexpected and well received shadow story provides a glimpse of Haitian history and the French occupation.

The lighting by Marc Hurst is an outstanding aspect of the show, and Milagros Ponce de Leon's scenic designs change the backdrop skies from blue to dark with a full moon and a glowing red whenever the Demon of Death (James T. Lane) makes his appearance. (With an evil, wide smile, gear, and spread feet in a perpetually threatening stance, Lane's devil is the most realistic demon one would never hope to meet.)

Clever designs transform a handheld skateboard with big lights on its bottom into a car which Daniel "drives" fast around the stage. Standing cots with chains become big iron gates which clang shut to keep the peasant girl out of the kingdom.

Once is part of Olney's family series but billed for children over age five.  Action and energy keep the young (and old) enthralled throughout, if the story is hard to follow at times. It played on Broadway from 1990 to 1991 and received eight Tony Award nominations.

Jason Loewith, Olney's artistic director, said he chose the play because of its stories of rebirth, forgiveness, and love, especially poignant at this time of year  


At the Olney all the characters are African Americans with exception of Mr. Cabling who is Asian.

Others stars are Theresa Cunningham, Fahnlohnee Harris-Tate, Wendell Jordan, Kellee Knighten Hough, Nicholas Ward, Duyen Washington, Stephen Scott Wormley,Jessica M. Johnson, and David Little. 

Sesame Street's Alan Muraoka directs.

Lynn Ahrens wrote the books and lyrics, basing her tale on the novella, My Love, My Love, by Trinidad's Rosa Guy (1925-2012) who used The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Anderson (1805-1810) for foundation.

Herewith, a Helen Hayes nomination:

Outstanding Costume Design, Resident Production:  Helen Huang, Once On This Island

What: Once On This Island

When:  Now through May 4, 2014 with evening and matinee performances

Where: Olney Theatre Center, 2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road, Olney, MD 20832

How much: Tickets start at $32.50 with discounts for groups, seniors, military members, and students.

Parking: Abundant, free, and on-site

Duration:  About 90 minutes with no intermission

For more information: 301-924-3400

For more area productions and reviews, check out DC Metro Theater Arts.

patricialesli@gmail.com

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Ford's Theatre's 'Bee' is a spellbinder

 
Cast members from The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee now on stage at Ford's Theatre under the direction of Peter Flynn.  The seated fellow on the far left in a daze is one of four cast members from the audience/photo by Scott Suchman

Ford's Theatre latest production, The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, is so much fun I asked the box office to let me know right away if it's extended through Memorial Day weekend when my family comes to town, and I can see it again.  Really. 

The energy and laughter are contagious, and the action is non-stop.  Increasing the entertainment are superb acting (under the direction of Peter Flynn), singing, choreography (by Michael Bobbitt) and plot.  Who would have guessed a musical comedy could come out of a spelling bee, but Rebecca Feldman's creation and Rachel Sheinkin's story made it happen on Broadway in 2005 where it ran for almost three years and won two Tonys.

For more frivolity, why not throw in four volunteers from the audience who have a one-night stand on stage with speaking (mostly spelling) parts?

Vice Principal Douglas Panch (Matthew A. Anderson) and moderator, Rona Lisa Perretti (Rachel Zampelli), both, hippopotomonstrosesquipedalians, grill the ten contestants (including the newly cast) who are asked to spell really hard words, most from South America, except for "vug" ("vug"?), "cow," and "lugubrious" which this most definitely is not. 

Mr. Panch and Ms. Perretti are quite skilful at improv and current events, and their exchanges with the new actors  (who must be good spellers) are hilarious. (What's a play in D.C. without mention of local politics?)  

Rather than long drawn out scenes, the action speeds up at the right times bypassing actual spelling as the students line up and whizz by.

The losers are escorted off stage with one of my favorites,  Mitch Mahoney (Kevin McAllister), who plays a convict doing community service at the school (makes sense, no?). His mannerisms, slouch, walk, and dress (hoodie, jeans, backwards ball cap) are street perfect, and he later finds Jesus.  Of course.


The contestants represent many different persuasions: There is Vincent Kempski as Boy Scout Chip Tolentino whose sudden rise to puberty becomes cause for alarm; Nicholas Vaughan as Leaf Coneybear who is home schooled; Logainne Schwartlonglastname is played by Kristen Garaffo, an energetic girl with two fathers; Felicia Curry is prissy Marcy Park whose achievements are bested by no one and she's got the voice to prove it, and not to be outdone in spectacular music or acting is Carolyn Agan's Olive Ostrovsky. Oh, and one more: William Barfee played by Vishal Vaidya who quite convincingly spells with his feet.  (You have to be there.) 

Who do you think wins?

A five-member band led by Christopher Youstra never dominates but adds to the night's gaiety with William Finn's music and lyrics.

(You may want to bring sunglasses for, except for audience members dressed in shabby greys, browns, and blacks, the costuming by Wade Laboissonniere and scenic design by Court Watson expand the sparkly.)

A few "damns" and some earthy talk and visuals lead Ford's to recommend the show for ages 12 and up, but two engrossed boys, ages about four and six, I saw practically hanging over the balcony railing near the end were oblivious to adult recommendations. 

The Spelling Bee has no intermission and lasts about 1.5 hours.  And you thought you were a good speller?  Come and try out your skills.  P.S. No exsibilations were heard the whole night.  Jay Reiss provided additional material.

What:  The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

When: Evenings at 7:30 p.m. through May 17, 2014 with matinees on Fridays and Saturdays. (Meet the cast after the show across the street at Bistro D'Oc May 3.  Play tickets, not necessary.)

Where: Ford's Theatre, 511 Tenth Street, N.W. Washington, D.C. 20004

How much: Tickets start at $18.00 with discounts for groups, seniors, military, and anyone under age 35

For more information: 202-347-4833

Metro stations:  Metro Center, Gallery Place-Chinatown, or Archives-Navy Memorial

For more theatre in Washington, D.C. check out the DC Metro Theater Art's website here.

patricialesli@gmail.com



 

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Coast Guard's 'Gallatin' is decommissioned in Charleston

Shipmates on board the USCGC Gallatin, March 31, 2014, Charleston Harbor, S.C./photo by Patricia Leslie

On a beautiful spring morning in the harbor at Charleston, a ship whose crew has apprehended $450 million of illegal drugs, assisted with Hurricane Sandy recovery efforts, and rescued thousands of migrants was decommissioned by the U.S. Coast Guard and handed over to the Nigerian government.

More than 500 persons, including 100 past crew members and their families, came from around the U.S. to honor the Coast Guard Cutter Gallatin and the servicemen and women who have served on the ship.
The decommissioning of the USCGC Gallatin, March 31, 2014, Charleston Harbor, S.C./photo by Patricia Leslie
Shipmates together for a last time on the USCGC Gallatin, March 31, 2014, Charleston Harbor, S.C./photo by Patricia Leslie

The program noted the decommissioning ceremony "is as joyous as it is somber...[held] in recognition of the lives lost in pursuit of a greater nation and of the exhaustive efforts to maintain safety and security on the high seas."

Members of the Nigerian navy attended the decommissioning ceremony for the USCGC Gallatin, March 31, 2014, in Charleston Harbor, S.C. Nigeria is the new owner of the ship whose American crew was taking the Nigerians out to sea for more training after the ceremony, said one U.S. officer/photo by Patricia Leslie

The Gallatin served as command center for Hurricane Sandy recovery operations in New York Harbor in 2012, rescued and coordinated the 1994 rescue or coordination of 27,000 Cuban migrants in a one-month period, rescued 106 Haitians from a sinking sailboat in 1982, interdicted more than 50 tons of cocaine and marijuana and, on the final patrol, seized 1,016 kilos of cocaine worth more than $30 million.

The decommissioning of the USCGC Gallatin, March 31, 2014, Charleston Harbor, S.C./photo by Patricia Leslie
 
The decommissioning of the USCGC Gallatin, March 31, 2014, Charleston Harbor, S.C./photo by Patricia Leslie
 
Speakers commemorating the event were Vice Admiral Robert C. Parker, commander of the Coast Guard Atlantic Area, Captain Caleb Corson, the Gallatin's commanding officer, and Ann Slattery of Washington and Dallas, the daughter of Elizabeth Stafford Hutchinson (1920-2010) who christened the ship in 1967 in New Orleans.  Ms. Slattery's father, Everett Hutchinson (1915-1994), was undersecretary of transportation for President Lyndon Baines Johnson (1908-1973).
Speakers at the decommissioning ceremony for the USCGC Gallatin included, from left, Captain Caleb Corson (speaking), Vice Admiral Robert C. Parker, and Ann Slattery, daughter of the Gallatin's sponsor, Elizabeth Stafford Hutchinson/photo by Patricia Leslie


The Coast Guard Brass Quintet played at the decommissioning ceremony for the USCGC Gallatin, March 31, 2014, Charleston Harbor, S.C./photo by Patricia Leslie

The ship was named for Albert Gallatin (1761-1849), the longest-serving secretary of the U.S. Treasury, a member of the cabinet of President Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) and President James Madison (1751-1836).  Mr. Gallatin founded what is now New York University, and a statue of him stands in front of the U.S. Treasury Building in Washington on Pennsylvania Avenue.

Shipmates march off the USCGC Gallatin, March 31, 2014, Charleston Harbor, S.C. for the final salute/photo by Patricia Leslie

Memorial Day Airfare Deals and Discount
patricialesli@gmail.com

 

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Bags don't fly free on Southwest Airlines. Bags don't fly (Updated)

Uummmm, not all the time/photo, airlinesdestination.com

I chose an early flight out of Baltimore so I could get to the beach earlier and have a longer day on the shore.

Alas. It was not to be.

Just try to walk, run, or play in the sand in high heels; it ain't happenin'.  But that's all I had. My bags didn't make the flight.

Photo by Mari Hirata, Asia Education Foundation

So much for a day at the beach.  So much for a day of fun in the sun, on the shore, in the waves. It didn't make.  It is lost.  A day gone, forever.

Thank you, Southwest Airlines.

From Baltimore to Charleston is only 95 non-stop minutes in the air (okay, 100 if you don't know which way the wind blows) so you'd think if you thought that losing bags would not happen since no turnarounds, transfers, layovers, pushups, or loose peanuts are involved, but, somehow, some way, bags belonging to about 25 of us got left behind.  On a cart somewhere in Baltimore, the Southwest agent in Charleston said.

They left a cart somewhere in Baltimore
Beside the plane, they call to me.
To be where other big bags fly, 
halfway to the stars
The morning rain may wet the air
They don't care 

My bags wait there for me in Baltimore
Nearby the blue and windy sea
When I call you bad names, O Baltimore
You've got my bags in absentee

The plane was not crowded.  It was a rare day in Skyland.  Empty middle seats filled the rows.  None of us found languishing later at Charleston's baggage claim were "late check-ins."  No explanation.

Something's awry in Baltimore. 

The last trip I made on Southwest before this one was at Christmas when I found, at my destination, wet contents in my bag caused by someone leaving my luggage uncovered on the tarmac in Baltimore where it was pouring the rain.  I filed a complaint and got a $50 voucher, enough to buy emergency supplies for the next flight which would be this one.

I tell you, something's awry in Baltimore.

What made it worse was Southwest's failure to guarantee the bags would be placed on the next available flight which was six hours later.  At the baggage claim center (888-202-1024) two agents told me my bags were lost, and Southwest could not locate them.  I made a few phone calls to Charleston (843-789-5442), Southwest's "customer service" (214-932-0333 and closed on Sunday), and left a choice message or two for the Baltimore Southwest baggage claim office (410-981-1200).  I can well understand why that manager would have his answering machine set on permanence since he wants to avoid taking live calls like he wants to avoid live snakes with fangs.  I was.

Meanwhile, a local at a restaurant told me the same thing had happened to her aunt who had to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe for her vacay.  Attention, Southwest Airlines:  I ain't a one-percenter with a vacay wardrobe checking account!

Meanwhile, it dawned on me (ding, ding, ding; hold on, brain's in commotion) that... it... was... pouring....the rain....all over again in the Land of the Ravens when....we....left...... which meant....possibly.... yep, you think, damp contents again?  (Answer, below.*) 

Upon check-in at my hotel I griped about my stress-filled day to the clerk, and another guest had the nerve to interrupt my day without pity: "Well," she harrumphed, "we paid $85 for two bags and golf clubs on US Air." 

"Look," I snarled 


I see that worried look upon your face,
You've got your bags, I don't have mine.

You flew US Air, I wish I had your place
You've got your bags, I don't have mine.

"You get what you pay for," I continued

I got plenty of nothin'
And nothing's not plenty for me.
I got no shoes,
Got no rouge,
Got lots of misery

From Southwesty

Folks with plenty of baggage
Are happy folks, yes, indeed

You got your shirts
You got your pants
You don't need no delivery 
From Southwesty

No wet-soaking clothes

Do you find in your bags
But it's more
And I'm sore
to miss the fun in the sun
On the shore!

The things that I prize
Like my bags in the sky
Are not free!


Say I've got plenty of nothin'
And nothing's not plenty for me.
Got no clothes
Got no shoes,
Ain't got no guarantee
  from Southwesty

Got my stress
Where's my dress
That's my song

Lookin' for bags the whole daylong

Ten hours later, well, looky here:  I'll be doggone, here they came.  I tell you, something's awry at that Baltimore Southwest baggage office, however, I may have discovered the hiding place of the manager in absentia which will have to wait until I return to O Baltimore and take a photo.  (This just in:  An update at the end.)

Anyway, I thought I hated Dulles.  Well, I do hate Dulles.  It's the pits.  Those people out there haven't smiled since they got Easter baskets back in 1946.  Dulles is so bad Senator Mark Warner (D-VA) has called for an official investigation and airport cleaning of why it's so bad.  Thank you, Senator Warner. 

Attention, Senator Barbara Mikulski (D-MD): O Baltimore airport has a few little baggage problems you might want to check out before you check out of there again. 

I tell you what:  It saves to fly National, at least, for now.  Because for sureSomething's happening at that Baltimore airport, and it ain't no free flying bags.

* You got it!

Readers, I ask you, is is possible that the manager in absentia is hiding in this dirt bomb which has collected more dust than my living room table? Why in the world does BWI Parking leave this thing to occupy a prime piece of real estate in its daily parking garage (2nd level, across from the elevators)?  The subject of a law suit?  Can't find the VIN? The tow truck can't get in the garage? Can you imagine the revenue which has been lost on this one parking place?  And how long do you think it's been there?  Answer below...

Photos by Patricia Leslie

Memorial Day Airfare Deals and Discount
patricialesll@gmail.com